Doing What Comes Naturally: Honoring Our Parents Through Daily Care and Legacy Planning

As we grow up, our parents often teach us countless valuable lessons, many of which are infused in our daily routines and actions. One such cherished practice is the 'seva' we, as siblings, perform every night after dinner. This act of respect towards our elders not only strengthens our bond but also brings us immense satisfaction and relaxation. In this article, we will explore the significance of these daily acts of care and the importance of making preparations for the future, such as end-of-life planning.

Daily Acts of Respect and Love

After dinner every day, my two siblings and I head upstairs to our parents' bedroom. We perform what we affectionately call 'seva', which translates to service in English. This nightly ritual is not about forcing our parents to do something they don't want; rather, it is a sign of respect and a way to show our gratitude and love. Despite their capability, our parents are always ready to do tasks for us, displaying immense love and patience.

We spend 30 to 45 minutes catching up, talking about our day, and helping with tasks like massaging sore limbs or providing comfort through our presence. This time is incredibly relaxing and soothing for both my parents and us. We are often told by our parents that their pain has subsided, which brings immense joy and energy to us. Although I prefer to spend some time extra studying at night, the seva also serves as a great motivation for me, keeping me grounded and appreciative of the presence of our parents.

A Special Memory: Helping Dad with Parkinson’s

Back in 2003, I had an unforgettable experience that further emphasized the significance of daily care. During a summer, instead of going on a cruise, I stayed at my parents' beach condo in New Jersey to help my mom take care of my dad, who was battling Parkinson’s. This period was deeply emotional, witnessing my father's struggle and deterioration. Despite the sadness, the experience was also a reminder of the importance of being there for our loved ones during their journey.

While my parents were immensely grateful for the help, it was also a somber reminder of the fragility of life. This experience prompted a renewed appreciation for the present and a deeper understanding of the need for end-of-life planning and legacy building. Parents and caregivers alike can benefit from discussing these topics so that loved ones are prepared and informed.

Planning for the Future: End-of-Life Conversations

As we grow older, it becomes increasingly important to discuss end-of-life planning with our parents. These talks may be uncomfortable, but they are crucial in ensuring that our loved ones receive the care and support they need. Some key areas to consider include:

Support during illness and disability Advance medical directives (DNR/NFR) Palliative care and end-of-life care Organ donation Financial administration Guardianship for lifestyle and treatment decisions Funeral arrangements Advance directives and estate planning Legacy and legacy planning

These conversations can be initiated by researching the topics separately, utilizing resources like:

Public Advocate/Trustee organizations Wills and testamentary trusts organizations Citizens Advice Bureaus Organ donation and living will organizations Department of Aging Genealogical societies

As a family historian, I have found the process to be both fascinating and rewarding. Researching and compiling family stories can provide a sense of continuity and connection to future generations. It is also worth watching the humorous yet informative documentary 'Adam Ruins Everything: Death' for insights and relief in discussing these sensitive topics.

Conclusion

The little things we do for our parents may seem insignificant, but they play a crucial role in fostering a strong relationship and providing security during their golden years. By initiating discussions about end-of-life planning and legacy building, we can ensure that our parents' wishes are respected and that they receive the care and support they deserve. In doing so, we not only honor them but also create a legacy that will be cherished by future generations.